You Stupid Girl!

• February
• 3

6:00 am Mental Illness, Survivors of Abuse, The Friday Files

The Friday Files continue …

One weekend afternoon, as was her habit, Mum went to visit her parents, leaving the kids in my care. I would have been 14 or 15 at the most.

That week she’d advertised some items for sale in the newspaper, and I’d heard all about how vital the money was to us and how it would get us out of a tight spot financially.

So when the phone rang and a young couple wanted to come and see the coffee table we’d advertised, I agreed for them to stop by. Yes, it probably wasn’t the wisest thing I’d ever done – inviting strangers into our home – but I was young and naive, and felt secure in my own home with all four of us children, and besides, I knew how desperately Mum wanted to sell these items.

I was delighted when the couple agreed to buy the piece and gave me a personal cheque, and could hardly wait until Mum got home to present her with the money and give her a lovely surprise.

So you can imagine my shock when the response I got, was anything but what I was expecting. Instead, Mum immediately launched into a tirade about how stupid I was, not only for letting these people come to our home in her absence – but mostly for accepting a personal cheque! Didn’t I know how risky that was, that they weren’t worth the paper they were written on? That it could bounce and then we’d be left with nothing – no money, and no coffee table either?

To prove her point she dragged me downstairs (probably by the hair) and into the car, and drove me to every business that she could find that was open on a sleepy Sunday afternoon. I was hauled into a chemist shop, sobbing, as she tried to pay for an item with a personal cheque. Of course they refused, which led Mum to continue her tirade about what a stupid, thoughtless girl I was.

The pharmacist and his assistant looked stunned by my mother’s angry display, and the tearful teenager she’d manhandled into the store. (It was certainly not the first time! My mother was the one that you saw in the supermarket, screaming at her child and telling her how stupid she was, then complaining loudly to the checkout operator that what had she ever done to deserve such a wilful, disobedient, annoying child!).

No wonder I needed counselling, prayer and a lot of love to rebuke the messages of my childhood … “you stupid girl”, “a millstone around my neck”, “vague”, “scatter brained”, “ditzy” … the list goes on …

What were some of the negative messages you received in your childhood?