footprintsaustralia.com

Behind the scenes at Footprints magazine

Friendly Fire

  • January
  • 17

6:00 am Christian living, Relationships

Friendly Fire: Fire that inadvertently kills or injures an ally …

Is it just me, or has there been a lot of infighting amongst the major political parties over the past couple of years?

Of course the most obvious example is when we suddenly found ourselves with a new prime minister WITHOUT an election. How on earth did that happen? I’m sure that’s a question Kevin Rudd was asking himself!

The attack came from within his own community: the Australian Labour Party. A group of people, united by a common belief, passion, and shared vision; like-minded; who had worked closely together for years. Yet despite their unity, their close-knit community – those in the Party turned on one of their own.

Whatever we may think of Kevin Rudd, I think we can all sympathise with the position he found himself in – being attacked by one of his own community, one of his closest colleagues. Sadly, it sounds a lot like the church!

Here we are, united by a common belief, passion, and shared vision; like-minded; working together closely for the Kingdom of God, sometimes for years. Yet despite our unity, our close-knit bond – we can be hurt and wounded or even worse, by one of our own.

It is a sad fact of life that we are all too familiar with “friendly fire” within the church. In case you haven’t worked it out (and I’m sure you have if you’ve been a Christian longer than 5 minutes!): CHRISTIANS WILL HURT YOU. Those who are supposed to love you best, will cause some of your deepest wounds.

I remember the time I was at a women’s gathering many years ago. Four of my friends began planning to meet for coffee and a movie the following week. But they didn’t even look at me, or invite me to join them, although I was sitting right there! I will never know if the oversight was intentional or not. They probably wouldn’t even recall the incident if I was to mention it now. But I went home and bawled my eyes out!

Have you ever been ripped off by a Christian?  Paid them money and received a shoddy deal in return?  It happens all too often – and yes, it’s happened to me and my husband more times than I care to count.

Overcoming friendly fire is one of the most difficult situations we face as Christians. It’s so much easier to understand when we are attacked by those outside the fold, when we are being persecuted for His sake (John 15:18). But when the injury comes from within – it hurts all the more! How can we ever recover?

Perhaps somebody in your church family has spoken harshly to you; spread gossip about you; “kept” (stolen) something of yours; or “used” you in some way. Somehow, we expect more from a fellow follower of Christ, a “family member”. But as Matthew 10:36 reminds us, our enemies will often be members of our own household!

Have you ever been hurt by “friendly fire”? How did you recover?



7 comments

I don’t know if there is anyone alive who hasn’t been hurt by ‘friendly fire’. I know I have. But I also know I have probably been the shooter in other people’s lives at times too. Maybe not intentionally but as I too am a fallen human being I’m sure I have.

What do I do with it? HOw do I deal with it? First off, I’m a 100% gal. Nearly everything I do is at 100%. Hot or cold. So for me, there are only two ways to deal with things – forgiveness or revenge. And, true to my nature I tend to do them 100%.

Because of this, I have enormous potential to hurt, to leave my loved ones lying in a pool of emotional blood. I hate seeing this, knowing that I am the cause. So I’ve taught myself to Stop. Look. Listen. Breathe. Think. Talk. Pray. Then act. Not always in that order- sometimes they overlap.

Once I’ve had time to process what has happened (using the above steps) I then now what to do next. If I’m going to deal with it – I deal with it. If I’m to forgive the person and there is no need for action, then I forgive.

In my mind, it’s really quite clear cut. Once I’ve forgiven I know longer feel the sting of the hurt. I may remember how the hurt felt. I may even have scars. But the *sting* of the hurt, the effects of the wrong no longer affect my behaviour or my attitude.

Easier said than done? Nope, not really. Not when I realise that I too am capable of causing great hurt.

I’m interested to hear how other deal with it. :)
Susan (HomeGrownKids) recently posted..Who I Follow

Posted by Susan (HomeGrownKids), on January 17th, 2012, at 8:11 pm. #.

So true. As a member of a church and a divorced woman for over 20 years, and on my own I have been saddened to see that people, ,mostly couples would rather believe I am a threat as a single person in a church rather than reach out to get to know me.

Posted by Angela Randall, on January 18th, 2012, at 8:40 am. #.

Susan, for me time is a great healer. If somebody has wounded me (whether intentional or unintentional) I try to steer clear of them for a while. Gives me a chance to think and pray. In my own marriage I know that if hubster hurst me, all I have to do is remember that he would NEVER intentionally hurt me and it’s easy to forgive. I’m probably not so good at applying this with others though!

Posted by Webmaster, on January 18th, 2012, at 6:07 pm. #.

Yeah, I hear you. And combined with the fact that we often hurt those we love the most, the most and it’s hard.

Did that make sense? I meant, we often hurt those the most, that we love the most. I learned that from watching my dad beat my mum till she lay a quivering, injured mess on the hallways floor. Afterwards, he bought her a decorative little plaque that said as much, but at the time it just added to her pain.

It was only through knowing and experiencing the reality of Jesus Christ that she was able to forgive him. I was a witness to all this and through it, HE revealed Himself to me too. :)

Posted by Susan (HomeGrownKids), on January 18th, 2012, at 6:43 pm. #.

The reason we can hurt the ones we love so powerfully is because we know them so well – we know exactly WHAT will be most hurtful and wounding! Love is a powerful force – we need to remember to use it for good, not evil! ;-)

Posted by Webmaster, on January 18th, 2012, at 10:27 pm. #.

Angela, that is so sad – but I think it is more a statement of THEIR insecurity than about you being a threat. xxx

Posted by Webmaster, on January 18th, 2012, at 10:29 pm. #.

Perhaps some of the problem may be down to how believers chose to interpret Christ’s command that we should “love one another.” Love has boundaries that are meant to keep out abuse. To continue to let abuse into our lives means there needs to be some fence repairing. Jesus also said “Love your neighbour as yourself”. Without a healthy self-love there can be no real love of others. Allowing someone to continually beat you up and then forgiving them later, so they can do it all over again, is not love – it is self abuse.
I have learnt over the years, with some people you can only have the relationship you can have – regardless of my expectations or desires for a perfect relationship. It is bounded by a healthy self respect. I am not going to push in where I am not wanted becuase if I do – I’ll only get slapped – why go there!
Reconcilliation takes two. when I have done all I can and the other will not respond or just wants to hurt me back — I just walk away. It’s safer that way. And I don’t feel guilty about it becuase before God I’ve done all I can do to make things right. I am ultimately answerable to God not the other person.

Posted by Kate Case, on January 19th, 2012, at 10:05 am. #.

Leave a comment!


e-mail (required, but will not be published)


Message

 

CommentLuv badge

Spam protection by WP Captcha-Free

© 2008-2010 footprintsaustralia.com. Blog theme by blogstheme.com