Do you hate the 5th commandment?!

• December
• 9

6:00 am Christian living, Mental Illness, Mums, Survivors of Abuse, The Friday Files

The Friday Files continue … 

For many years, the fifth commandment was a major stumbling block in my life: “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12).

I loved God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I wanted to do His will and please Him. I wanted to honour my parents – but didn’t God know what my Mum was like?! Didn’t He know how hard this was for me? How on earth could I honour Mum after all she had put me through?

I am sure that I am not the only one to wonder just how to honour their parents, in spite of the past. When it seems that there is very little to honour. However, with God all things are possible!

Over the years, as I learned to forgive, I also found ways that we can honour our parents (in my case, my Mum) even if they have abused us.

• Honour your Mother for giving you life.  No matter the circumstances of your conception, your mother CHOSE LIFE for you.  She carried you for nine months and brought you into the world – with all that involves – morning sickness, swollen ankles, back pain, not to mention labour!  Maybe your Mum endured criticism or judgement from others, especially if she wasn’t married to your father. Perhaps it meant the end to her own dreams of education or a career; it may have condemned her to a lifetime of poverty. But she chose YOU. Praise God, and honour your Mother for that today. You would not be here if your Mum had not given you life! 

• Honour your Mother for the good things she has done. No matter how bad things were, you should be able to find something positive if you try hard enough. She fed and clothed me. She made sure I went to Sunday school every week until I was ten years old, and when I was older she let me go to youth group. These experiences gave me a basic awareness and knowledge of God and the Bible, as well as a support network that cared for me when times were tough. My Mum also gave me two wonderful sisters and a brother that I love dearly.

• Honour your Mum for her sacrifices. When you first become a Mum, selfishness is no longer an option. Privacy is scarce, sick leave and holidays non-existent, and sleep becomes a thing of the past! You have a tiny human being completely dependent on you for their feeding, shelter and care. Most likely, it was your Mum who nurtured and cared for you in those early stages, or you would not be here today.

• Honour your Mum for the gifts, traits and characteristics that she has passed on to you. My love of reading, and also my writing gift come from my Mum. She was the one who set me up with my first penfriend, the first step on the path to my God-given destiny.

• Lastly, turn those negatives, into positives!  I honour my Mother because she gave me the opportunity to learn forgiveness. I honour her for doing the best she could in extremely difficult circumstances. If nothing else, perhaps your Mum showed you how NOT to live!

Exodus 20:12 is also the first commandment that has a promise attached. It says, “Honour your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you“.

I used to think that this commandment was cruel. It wasn’t my fault that my Mum was such a toxic person. I didn’t choose to be born into my family. It didn’t seem fair that God still expected me to honour the very person who had hurt me so much!

Then I realised an awesome truth: God knows that not all parents are good. He knows that this is not an ideal world, made up of perfect families.  He knows that innocent children are hurt, abused, neglected or even abandoned by those who are supposed to care for them the most. Even if you have fantastic parents, they will still sometimes make mistakes, and may say or do things that really hurt you. They are only human after all.

But if you can manage to honour your parents despite your circumstances, despite their imperfections, despite their human frailty – if you can search for what is good, and noble, and admirable, and praiseworthy in them (Phil 4:8) – then you will develop an attitude of gratitude, which will influence not just your relationship with your parents, but everything you do.

An attitude of gratitude is better for your health than any vitamin supplement or tonic on the market today.  No wonder God commands us to honour our parents – it really WILL lead to a long and blessed life!